I’m really excited to have the opportunity to write for Metro’s Fertility Month series: the first article is about how to support a friend or loved on struggling with infertility or pregnancy loss.
There's lots of articles about what not to say (aka infertility bingo), but Metro wanted something that offered guidance for what you should say or do instead. They commissioned me to write this piece based on the hundreds of responses to my anonymous questionnaire for women (and men) to share their stories, - specifically, to the question that asks respondents what advice you would give to anyone who's supporting a friend or loved one with fertility problems.
There's no universal right or wrong thing to say or do, but these suggestions are based on the answers of several hundred different women, so they're hopefully at least a pretty decent start.
These are just a couple of highlights:
“Say ‘I’m sorry’ Give us a hug and say ‘I’m so sorry’”
“Do not try to solve the problem There’s nothing you can say or do to fix this, so stop trying to do so. ”
“Just listen & acknowledge our distress.
Don’t feel you have to do anything other than listen.
Don’t tell us what to do or what to think or what to feel.
Just listen to us, and allow us to be sad and angry at how unfair life is. Be there, let us know you care, that you’re there, and that you want to understand our feelings and needs. Acknowledge that it’s an unimaginably cruel situation and let us offload”
Read the full article here:
Metro: How to support someone with fertility problems
HAVE YOUR SAY
My goal for this book project is to represent as many different perspectives as possible .
If as a couple you’ve experienced infertility or pregnancy loss (regardless of which partner has received the infertility diagnosis, if any)— whether your journey is current or past, whether successful or not — I’d be honoured if you’d consider sharing your story anonymously.
If any of these ‘infertility bingo’ comments strike a chord and you’d like to get something off your chest, or suggest some advice of your own, I’d love to hear from you!